Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
