Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
