I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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