I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
