I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
