i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When did angry sex become our thing?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
