Someone shit on the floor
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
