Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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