I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
