i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
