Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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