It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
