I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
