Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
