THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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