You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
