Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
