batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
