we're blogging at a bar
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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