BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
