good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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