____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
