A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
