plz talk dirty to me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize