it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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