Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
