We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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