well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
