where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
