Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
