he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
