You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
