farters have to be the big spoon...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
