I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
