Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
