We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
