Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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