and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
