dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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