i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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