I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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