tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You took a bar mat shot.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize