At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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