you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
