using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
