Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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