I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
