i love accidental penises.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
