...so i touched it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
