I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
