..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
