Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
