Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
