Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
