i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
