dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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