textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
