Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
