No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
