I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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