I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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