If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
