He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
