I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
